I went from one extreme to the other.
This has been happening quite a lot lately in various forms which is why I’ve been so vague on the date: it seems absurd to pin-point one occasion when there have been so many. But one occasion stands out as the most extreme set of extremes that I’ve oscillated between.
It began when I started thinking about brushing my teeth. I was probably lying in bed – these things tend to happen while I’m lying in bed wishing I could be asleep. And I just thought of the prospect of having to brush my teeth every day for the rest of my life, and I just couldn’t face it. I couldn’t bear the thought of doing that tedious little chore every day, every single day, for ever. Somehow it was as if all those little teeth-brushing sessions were piling up on top of me, suffocating me.
And then one morning, quite possibly the very next morning (probably not if this is supposed to be an exact chronological account of a real life but, since it’s not, let’s say that yes, it was the very next morning) I walked to work through the park. The sun was shining, the kids were cheery when I left, I felt unburdened by pressure or work-stress. And the thought came to me that I could happily do this for the rest of my life. I have a job I enjoy in a very pleasant environment, with an excellent circle of friends both near and far, and with as good a family as I could hope for. I felt unreasonably blessed.
So, I might not be able to face brushing my teeth, but apart from that life felt great.
Perhaps you can hope to get some problem which accelerates loss of teeth. Then you could have a set of dentures. Just pop them in some cleansing solution every night and hey presto! Think of the time you’ll save on brushing your teeth twice a day.
Or buy an iPod and listen to "I’m a pink toothbrush, you’re a blue toothbrush" and other bathroom- related songs while performing the dreaded duty.
I just googled ‘adult teeth brushing support groups’, and I’m sad to say that there’s no support out there. Looks like you’ll have to go this one alone.
Just found a whole list of songs about brushing your teeth. I can’t post the link, but try googling the wackiest (and possibly least politically correct number: Teeth like God’s shoeshine.
Let us know how you get on.
I just googled the above song lyrics. (I was hoping I hadn’t unwittingly posted racist material.) I’m not sure what it’s about but it seems to refer to the futility and emptiness of life -not about teeth at all.